Confusing
by Infamousplot
Summary: Somewhere inside himself, Neku knows it's wrong. It's difficult to explain though, even to each other. This thing they have is so fragile, so delicate, one wrong word could destroy the whole thing. It's just... Confusing. Josh/Neku/Shiki. Oneshot.


**I like NekuShiki. I also like JoshNeku. Both pairings are wonderful in their own right, but sometimes I have trouble choosing. I would go with the "Lol OT3" thing (JoShiKu), but writing that seriously isn't something I'd ever thought about until recently. It's a territory I'm not completely comfortable with, and I know there are lots of other people who aren't either. My feelings about it are fairly neutral, at least from a fictional stance.**

**Here's my attempt to capture the awkwardness and confusion that Neku, Shiki and Josh would feel in a relationship of 3.  
**

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It's confusing.

That's the first word that came to mind when they tried to explain it. Confusing. It was the only word they dared say. Confusing, and complex. Very interesting. Always exciting.

It was also frightening. Nerve wracking, and awkward, and scary. Confusing.

As they walked the streets Neku wasn't sure whether he should hold Shiki's hand or Joshua's. Shiki would sometimes walk between them and hold them both close, their fingers intertwined as they walked past windows of stores. It was fine for her, a young girl, to hold the hands of her two friends. People wouldn't stare. They wouldn't whisper. If Neku was to stand in the middle, or Josh, there would be murmuring. Rumors.

Confusing. That was really the best way to describe it. They were confused by their feelings, confused by the way things worked. How was it supposed to go? Was it alright to feel this way? Should they try and ignore it, continue to hide it? Or should they just embrace it?

Decisions like that were hard. Neku wasn't good at making hard decisions. Did he love Shiki more? Or Joshua? Who did she love more? Who did he love most? These questions never left his mouth, and for that he was glad. He didn't want to know. Not really. He was afraid of the answer, because there was always the possibility that he wouldn't like it.

Complex. Confusing. Despairing.

Jealousy always writhed at the center of their trio. The questions that gnawed at Neku ate at them too. Who did the other love most? Did they have a favorite? Shiki loved the way Neku's hand felt in hers, the warmth from his skin as their fingers linked together so perfectly, like missing puzzle pieces. She also loved holding Josh. His skin was always cool, his exotic eyes always on her. Except when they were on Neku. That was when she would wonder.

Did he like Neku better? Did Neku like him the most? Did _she_ like him the most?

Shiki was so important to Neku. His best friend, his dearest friend. Joshua was important too though. They both stalked his dreams, tugging him this way and that, holding him or taunting him or asking him to stay. He couldn't choose. He'd tried before. That was what had gotten him into... Well, this.

Jealousy. Who was the center? The glue that bound them? Was it Shiki with her warm smile, always willing to forgive, always ready to understand? Or was it Neku, the boy who drew the other two together in the first place? Or was it Joshua, who radiated confidence and carried an air of mystery that made Shiki and Neku want to keep on following along.

Somewhere inside, Neku knew this was wrong. It was unfair to love them both, to hold and kiss them both. The heart was meant for one, right? So why couldn't he just pick one?

Shiki was so warm, so bright. She'd taught him so much, she'd changed his life. Shiki would always be his best friend, the girl he'd fought so hard for, the one who had shown him the light. Joshua, though... Joshua was confusing. He was infuriating. And he was impossible to get out of your mind. Neku had tried, time and time again, but nothing ever worked. Joshua had wormed his way in there, and there he would stay. He haunted Neku's dreams. Neku still couldn't forgive the things Josh had done to him, still couldn't _forget_, but... He trusted him. He trusted him, and he loved him. Just like he loved Shiki.

Neku was such a cold, stubborn person when Shiki had met him. Yet somehow, he'd melted, and Shiki couldn't help falling in love. His smile was so sweet. He was so honest with her, lacking judgement. He _liked_ her. Not just because of how she looked, but because of who she was. It didn't matter what body she was in, he still thought she was wonderful. He still loved her. Joshua didn't care what she looked like either, though. Joshua was a mystery. He was perplexing. Amusing. Tantalizing. Once he got into her head, she couldn't get him out, but she'd found that she didn't really want to. He made her feel special. He made her feel important. They both did.

Joshua hadn't meant to get involved with Neku. He'd wanted to keep everything with his proxy strictly business. He couldn't resist, though. He was lonely, and Neku was just _so_ fun to tease. Getting a rise out of him was too easy. He was cute, too. And so lost, so confused. Joshua couldn't help it. He'd toyed with Neku, and lied to him, and put him through Hell. He'd killed him, and used him, all so he could destroy Shibuya- Neku's home. That wasn't enough, though. It wasn't enough to make him kill him.

He'd lowered the gun. He hadn't pulled the trigger. Anyone else would have, but Neku... Neku trusted him. Neku _cared_ about him. There weren't many people who cared about Josh.

Shiki was one of those few though. She knew how to accept people. She didn't judge. Shiki was open, and warm, and inviting, and she was kind to him. Her smile lit up her face, and her laughter lit up a room. She wasn't afraid to take his hand and tell him that she saw good in him, or that she wouldn't rest until she'd dug it all out.

The three of them were tied together. The red string of fate had looped itself all around them, even through them, and tangled itself up in such an awful knot that no one even knew were to begin with the untying. They were stuck together, all three. If they cut the thread... Who knew where who would land?

People would stare as they walked down the street, hands linked together. They would watch as they sat together, all scrunched in one booth, teasing and giggling and whispering about this and that. Eyebrows would rise when one kissed another, and then later the other. They didn't understand. It wasn't normal. It was strange. Unusual. Confusing.

They didn't know how to explain it to others, or even to each other. Somewhere inside each of them, they knew they ought to talk about it. They had to _try_ to come to terms with it, try to understand what it was they all felt. They were scared, though.

It was strange and it was frightening, but it was also nice. In a scattered, secretive sort of way, it was perfect. But it was also fragile. One blow could topple it, send it all crashing down, and none of them knew if they would be able to pick up the pieces after the fall.

Everything they thought, everything they felt, stayed locked inside. Bottled up, waiting for the right moment to pop out. If there was a right moment, that was. It was hard to tell. Everything was so delicate, so carefully placed... Navigating was difficult. Getting lost was easy. The beauty and perfection of what they had was sometimes hard to see, and it was even harder to explain. It was difficult. It was confusing.

Completely and utterly confusing.


End file.
